Today my writing resonated with someone, I figured I would share an element of it here too incase it resonates with you. I attend a 12 step programme and have done so on and off for a year. It’s the same meeting format as Alcoholics Anonymous but for food & exercise disorders rather than alcohol.
For me, to be abstinent means no binging, no restricting, no over exercising & no compulsive eating of any kind of food. I restarted the clock this year & I’m looking forward to increasing my days 💜
Swipe photo- I was at my happiest. I had no idea what I weighed, I ate what I fancied, spent a lot of time outdoors and exercised when I felt like it. I have never felt happiness like it & I want to get to that place again.
Last week I found myself triggered throughout the day as I caught my reflection in the mirror. Followed by thoughts of binging and restricting.
It’s the new year and I’m busy with helping clients set goals for the year.
I was reflecting and realised how hard it is for me to set goals around health since being in recovery. I no longer want to use the restrictive methods I used previously to lose weight. And it’s difficult to just forget the copious amounts of information I memorised about food. Now that I’m more well- it’s harder?! How is that fair? 😂
I miss training ‘properly’, sometimes the thought of restarting terrifies me because I know how obsessive I can be. I am very much an all or nothing person and whilst it has served me well in my career, on a personal level it has really hurt me.
As part of my 12 steps I threw away my scales some time ago. This week, I bought some scales & have promised myself that if any negative thoughts (not being good enough, small enough etc) start resurfacing, I will immediately stop and give my scales away.
Being back in my 12 step feels good. I am reminded that my way is not the high way, that whilst I can tell you the science of health and any nutritional information you’d want to know, this does not serve my recovery and I cannot do this alone. This is a spiritual programme and I have to turn to my higher power for guidance & support.
Even wellness professionals struggle, we are human 🙏🏼
