Boundaries are so freakin’ important!
Sometimes you need to tell your boss you aren’t going to work past the time your paid to, or you need to set time limits with a friend who drains your energy.
Before I understood more about how to set boundaries, I lived a life that pretty much didn't have boundaries at all. And I really suffered from it!
When I started to, I realised I was going to end up with much less people in my life. I found myself feeling guilty for saying no, for not responding to peoples messages, for not taking up the care taker role anymore. There were times were I thought this made be a bad person and it took me a long time to realise that setting boundaries was not only good for me, but it also benefited the person I was setting boundaries with! I watched relationships change, some for the better & others ended. The ones that ended, I realised I didn’t need.
If you've been through trauma, setting & navigating boundaries might feel entirely impossible but I promise you it's not! It can feel mean at first , especially if you've been taught to ‘be a nice girl’. If like me you’ve been abused, setting boundaries can be even harder because what feels natural and normal is to continue allowing dynamics that are toxic because it’s what you’re used to, rather than in the position of someone with strong boundaries who would not allow others to behave badly/unfairly with them.
Setting healthy boundaries is a form of self-care. I want to really emphasise this. Setting boundaries is also a form of looking after yourself, reparenting yourself, saving yourself from more heartbreak, more distrust and more pain. You need to look after your energy, your time & your mental health, nobody can do this for you. You cannot change others but you can always change how YOU set the framework for your relationships & it is never too late to start.
Setting boundaries has allowed me to heal relationships I thought I could never heal 💗
Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend is a brilliant book and one I keep in my PT studio for clients to borrow. Every women should read it!
I wish you all a beautiful week filled with boundaries💜
